Survival Outside the Box

I’ve been writing on this blog since 2011.  Each time I think I have it down, something comes along and shakes things up a bit. As a result, I’ve decided to “start from scratch.”

About six months ago, I learned that my four-legged best friend had cancer, and due to his age (12), it wasn’t recommended that we pursue treatment. So, I’m doing my best to face up to the fact that one day, probably soon, he’s not going to stick his cold nose in my face at 6am, wanting to be fed or go outside to do his thing.  It’s a difficult thing to accept.

Then, the news that my dad, at age 71, has the onset of COPD (despite his arguments to the contrary).  Some days are great… and others are, well, hellish.  I’ve already seen WAY more of the emergency room and hospital than I’d like.  This has also forced me to take a much closer look at our relationship…and how it has changed.

I know, I know… “want some WHINE with that cheese?”  I tell you all of this to say that I’m 46 years old, and right now, I’m not sure what the HELL I’m doing.

So, yesterday, I thought I’d be proactive and attend a lunch-time seminar (why they allow you to rattle your chip bags while someone is speaking is beyond me) that focused on effective followership.  We took an assessment, and I discovered that, as of this very moment in time, I am a “pragmatic follower.”  Pragmatic — even the name sounds lackluster.  This means that, along with about 25-35% of all the other folks who’ve taken this thing, we are remaining in the “middle of the road.”  We may live by the slogan “better safe than sorry.”

I am in survival mode.

That’s when the little bell inside my head finally went off (at least this time, I actually HEARD and responded).  Even though this workshop was focusing on your relationship with the leaders in your workplace (by the way, he NAILED it), it really seemed to ring true for the rest of my life as well.  I’m just going along with the flow, staying safe in the middle ground.  Surviving.

There was a post the other day one a friend’s Facebook wall that said something like “One day, I woke up and decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore… so I didn’t.”   Easier said than done, especially when you’ve had the  lid on that  safe little box you lived in tightly shut.  Oh, how wonderful it would be if I could just up and do something like that.

So, I’m going to start taking little steps toward moving from surviving to living. Enjoying the excitement of doing something a little “scary” for once.

The girls in the office say a strong storm is headed our way.  Maybe I’ll go out and let the wind stir my soul a bit.  Hey… it may not be that much, but it’s a start.

photo (6)

Advertisements